Sister Monica thought, "I wonder what Reverend Mother wants me for," and she read the note again, "Please come to my office at twelve o'clock - Reverend Mother."
Sister Monica thought, "It must be important. I have worked here for six years, and Reverend Mother has never sent me a note before." Sister Monica remembered how she had first met Reverend Mother. "I was a nun in France for four years when the church sent me here, to Vietnam. I knew I was going to Vietnam to work with children who had no parents - orphan girls, but I was surprised to find that there were nearly two hundred girls here in Reverend Mother's orphanage."
"Sister Monica," asked Reverend Mother, "I expect you know what day it is today, don't you ?"
"Yes, Reverend Mother," said Sister Monica. "Thirteen years ago, in 1975, the last of the American soldiers left Vietnam."
"Yes," said Reverend Mother slowly, "that is true, but today is also a special day for you, too."
"I try to forget such things, Reverend Mother," said Sister Monica, "but it is my birthday today."
"Yes, my child, and not just any birthday, because today you are thirty," said Reverend Mother, smiling. "Now," she continued, "tell me what you think about the children here."
"Oh, I think all the children are wonderful, and I am really pleased that the church sent me here to Vietnam," said Sister Monica. "I love the babies and small girls, but I worry about what will happen to the older girls if they do not get married."
"That is our biggest problem," said Reverend Mother seriously. "But I want to tell you about something that all the nuns find difficult when they are between the ages of thirty and thirty-five. It is quite natural for every woman to want to have children of her own. Of course I am too old now, but you are still young enough, and you know that you can choose to leave us whenever you want."
"Yes," said Sister Monica, "I know about that, and I also know that the church will pay for me to go back to France, and will also give me enough money to start to live on my own."
"Your problem will be," said Reverend Mother slowly, "that, although you love the children here, you know that they are not your own children, and you know that when they grow up and leave here, you will never see them again. You will think about this more and more, especially when your body reminds you that you have one month less time to be a mother. The doctors say that when you are thirty-five it is really too late to start a family, because it could be dangerous for your health. So when you are thirty-five, you will know that it is too late for you to choose."
"Thank you, Reverend Mother," said Sister Monica. "I will think about what you have told me."
"Oh, Sister Monica, there is one other thing," said Reverend Mother. "Tomorrow someone is coming to mend the electric lights. Will you show them which ones do not work ? Thank you."
Next day Sister Monica met the man who had come to mend the lights. "I am Larry," he said.
"Oh," said Sister Monica, "you are English. I thought a Vietnamese man would come."
"Well actually, I am Australian, and a volunteer," said Larry. "My company sent me to work here in Vietnam for a six months, and I wanted to meet the people. I asked at the church if there is something I can do, and they sent me here. Now, where are these lights that need mending ?"
"Please come with me," said Sister Monica, laughing.
Larry climbed up a ladder to look at the lights. "It is dark up here," he said. "I need a torch. There is one in my car, can you get it for me - oh, what is your name ?"
"I will, and my name is Sister Monica."
Larry looked closely at the lights and said, "The electric wires here are broken. They are very old and dangerous and they could start a fire. They must be replaced."
"Oh, dear," said Sister Monica. "The orphanage is very poor and we cannot afford that." Larry came down the ladder.
"The government makes our work here difficult," continued Sister Monica, "although not as bad as when I first came from France. We still get most of our money from France, and when it comes, the bank keeps the money for nearly a month before they change it into Vietnamese money for us. Now the inflation here in Vietnam is so bad that after a month the money is worth a lot less. That is why we have to ask for help from volunteers, like you."
"Do not worry," said Larry, smiling. "I saw some wire where I work. They do not need it and I am sure they will give it to me, so I can use that to replace the old wires for you."
"Oh, that will be wonderful," said Sister Monica, clapping her hands.
"Please tell me something about what you do here," said Larry. "I know it is a girl's orphanage, and I can see that you have girls of all ages."
"Yes," said Sister Monica, "we usually take babies, and they grow up here until they are twenty-one, and then they must leave."
"Do you try to find new parents for the babies and small children ?" asked Larry.
"We try of course," said Sister Monica, "but very few people want to adopt them. Sometimes a mother takes her baby back, but most people do not want these children because of their parents. During the war there were many American soldiers here. Most of the older girls have American fathers, and so you can guess how their mothers worked. The Vietnamese people still hate the Americans, and people say everything that is now wrong in Vietnam is America's fault. Do you know what the Vietnamese people call these children ?"
"No," said Larry.
"They call them the Dust of Life," said Sister Monica sadly, "but I think it is a horrible name to call any child."
"So some of them do not even look Vietnamese ?" asked Larry.
"That is right," said Sister Monica. "We have one older girl, Mai Ling, and you can see that her father must have been an African man. I worry a lot about finding a husband for her."
"Do the girls wait for you to find husbands for them ?" asked Larry.
"Yes," said Sister Monica. "Tradition is still very strong in Vietnam, and although parents no longer need to arrange their children's marriage, the boy and girl must still be properly introduced to each other first. The head of the orphanage is our Reverend Mother, and she makes the introductions."
"But how do young men know who they want to meet here," asked Larry.
"There are many notice boards where girls, and boys, put their pictures, their name and who can make the introduction. It is a new idea that Vietnam has copied from China. I thought it was like a "marriage market" when I first came here, but now I see that it works fairly well. It is a half way stage between arranged marriages and free choice. All our girls have their pictures on a notice board when they are eighteen."
"It must be exciting when someone comes to be introduced to one of your girls," said Larry.
"Oh, yes it is," said Sister Monica. "Reverend Mother arranges the meeting for a few days after the young man comes to see her. We borrow some nice clothes and spend a long time on the girl's hair and make-up, all to make a good impression."
"Do many girls get married ?" asked Larry.
"Only a few," said Sister Monica, sadly.
"You really care about these children, don't you ?" asked Larry, looking at her carefully.
"It feel I must help them," said Sister Monica. "Maybe it is what my life is for."
"What happens to the older girls who do not get married ?" Larry asked. "I suppose you can find them a job and somewhere to live when they have to leave the orphange."
"Not usually. Sometimes one of them can work here if a nun leaves, but only until the replacement nun arrives," said Sister Monica, with tears in her eyes, "but most of the other girls who leave can only find work as their mothers worked - on the streets."
"Surely they can get a decent job," said Larry. "They are educated, aren't they ?"
"There is a lot of unemployment here in Vietnam, and the girls need a father to help them get a job," said Sister Monica. "We try to educate them of course, but remember that they cannot go to normal school if their father is not known. We can teach them to read and write here, but we cannot teach them mathematics or science."
"It is just their bad luck, I suppose," said Larry.
"You must never blame the children for their parents, or for what their parents did," said Sister Monica angrily.
"Well," said Larry, "they must think that it is not a worse job than what their mothers did."
"Oh, you men ! You do not seem to understand how a woman feels when she has to sell her body," said Sister Monica. "Everytime she meets a new customer she tries to smile, but really inside she is very frightened. She thinks maybe he will hurt her, maybe he will beat her afterwards or not pay her, maybe something will go wrong and she will have a baby or maybe this will be the man who gives her the sickness and after that she will die."
Sister Monica waited for Larry to say something, but he turned away from her. "And if she has a baby," continued Sister Monica, speaking more loudly, "and she loves the baby so much that she will not let anyone take the baby from her, she is in a trap. She has to stay on the streets for ever, just to feed her child."
Larry said nothing, and Sister Monica became angry. "You men are all the same," she shouted, "You think these women have no feelings and that they do this work just for fun. I hate men."
"No, you don't," said Larry, as he turned round quickly and held Sister Monica's shoulders, "Do you think I ever use a woman like that ? Never. It is the inequality, the injustice and the suffering that you hate, and so do I. We are the both the same."
Sister Monica was pleased that Larry had said this, and she noticed that she liked the feeling of him holding her. "I must go," she said.
"Let me know if there is anything else I can do, when I bring the wire," called Larry.
A few days later Larry came back with the new wire and mended the lights. When he had finished, Sister Monica asked, "Can you take some of the girls in your car ? They want to see their pictures on the notice board."
They went to the notice board and Sister Monica showed Larry the pictures of the girls from the orphanage. Larry asked, "Where is the picture of the girl who has the African father, what is her name, Smiling ?"
"Mai Ling," said Sister Monica, laughing at the way Larry said the name. "Her picture is not here. "She will not let anyone take a picture of her, because of her dark skin."
"These pictures are not very good," said Larry, "They are just passport photographs, some are not even in colour. I can take much better pictures of your girls than these."
"Oh, can you ?" asked Sister Monica, "That would be a great help."
"Get some of the girls ready tomorrow," said Larry, "including Mai Ling."
Next day, in the afternoon, Larry went to the orphanage to take pictures of some of the girls. Sister Monica had dressed them in their best clothes. Mai Ling had a blue dress. Larry said, "That is wrong. The blue dress makes her skin look darker. She needs a red dress." Larry took pictures of the other girls while Sister Monica found a red dress for Mai Ling.
"It will soon be dark," said Sister Monica.
"That is what I need for Mai Ling," said Larry. "The orange light of evening and the red dress will make her skin look a lot lighter."
Mai Ling did not want Larry to take her photograph, and she tried to run away. Larry tried to talk to her. Sister Monica told Larry how to say some nice things in Vietnamese to Mai Ling. Mai Ling laughed so much at the strange way Larry spoke, that Larry could take several pictures of her.
After a few days Larry brought the photographs. The girls were very excited when they saw him getting out of his car. Then one of the nuns came running and shouting, "Mai Ling has jumped into the well, where we get the water from the ground ! She says she wants to kill herself !"
Larry ran to the well, "Hold this end of the rope," he shouted to the nuns, as he tied the other end round his body. "Now let me go slowly down the well, and, Monica, get my torch."
The nuns lowered Larry down into the well, and Larry remembered that he should have said "Sister Monica." He wondered if she, or anyone else, had noticed.
The well was not too deep and Larry was soon at the bottom, but it was so dark that he could not see anything. He could feel that the water was not very deep, and that there was a lot of very smelly mud. He found Mai Ling's body. She was still breathing. "She is alive," he shouted. He shook her and he heard her try to speak. Sister Monica shone the torch down the well for Larry to see to tie the rope round Mai Ling. "Pull her up," he shouted.
The nuns let the rope down again for Larry to get out of the well. Larry was covered in the black, smelly mud, so the nuns quickly found some clean clothes for him. "How is Mai Ling ?" he asked.
"Mai Ling will be alright soon," said Reverend Mother. "Sister Monica is helping her. Mai Ling did not hurt herself much because of the mud at the bottom of the well, but she might have drowned in the water if you had not saved her. You did a very brave thing, Larry, and we all thank you very much."
When Larry saw Sister Monica, he asked, "Why did she do it ?"
"Because of your photographs," said Sister Monica. "She thinks that they will show her dark skin."
"Oh, no," said Larry, "Let me show you. I am very pleased with the photographs, especially the ones of Mai Ling. Look."
"Wow !" said Sister Monica, "Mai Ling looks like a film star ! Let me show them to her. No, wait, Larry, you must show them to her. She will be so pleased."
Later that day Larry and Sister Monica went to the notice board to put up the new photographs. When the man at the notice board saw the picture of Mai Ling he said, "This beauty will have several husbands to choose from in just a few days. I am sure of it."
While the man was putting up the new photographs, Larry said to Sister Monica, "I know another beauty who should have a husband. I want to marry you, Monica."
"Oh, Larry !" said Sister Monica, and then she turned and went away.
"Sister Monica," said Reverend Mother after a few days, "There are two young men who want me to introduce them to Mai Ling ! Larry's photographs are working very well. Do you know much about Larry ?"
Sister Monica felt that her face was turning red, and she hoped that Reverend Mother would not notice, but this made her face feel even hotter. Reverend Mother continued, "Did you know that he did another very brave thing ?"
Sister Monica felt that her face was not so red now.
"Before he came here," continued Reverend Mother, "Larry was the man who saved many old people from drowning," continued Reverend Mother. "The old people were doing their slow moving Tai Chi exercises in the park. Larry was watching them when the water from the river rose very quickly and flooded the land. It washed away the bridge and the old people could not get back to the high ground. Do you know what Larry did ?"
"No," said Sister Monica.
"He showed the old people to take off their jackets, and tie the arms of all the jackets together to make a long rope," said Reverend Mother. "He swam across the river with the rope and tied it to a tree on the high ground. Then he swam back and helped the old people all hold onto the rope to get to the high ground. I think he is a very good, and clever man. Did you know that he is one year younger than you ?"
"Reverend Mother," said Sister Monica, "Larry wants to marry me."
"Oh, my child," said Reverend Mother. "I had no idea."
"But my work is here, with these special children," said Sister Monica. "I cannot leave them. I am sure that this is what I must do with my life. I must not do anything different."
"I understand," said Reverend Mother, "yes, I do understand, and I can see that your choice is very difficult."
Larry came to see Sister Monica. They both did not know what to say to each other. Larry hoped that Sister Monica would say "yes" to his question, but he did not want to have to ask her again. Sister Monica knew what Larry wanted to talk about, and she did not want to hurt him, so she asked, "Larry, do you know what you want to do with your life ?"
"Yes," said Larry. Then he thought for a moment and said, "Well, there are all the usual things that people want to do, I want to be well educated and have a good job, and get married of course," and then he remembered how Sister Monica loves children, so he said, "and have children, like most people."
"But do you feel that there is something special you should do, and that you are the only person who can do it ?" asked Sister Monica.
Larry thought and then said slowly, "Not really. I do not think I have ever had that feeling, but I can see that you have."
"Yes, Larry," said Sister Monica excitedly, "I am sure that I must help these orphan girls, in this orphange here in Vietnam. I have had this feeling about my life for a long time, and now the feeling is stronger, especially since I have known you. I think everyone should carefully look for what they must do as they live their life."
"So that is why you are different," said Larry. Then he asked, "But what keeps you going ?" and he looked at her carefully. "There must be days when things go wrong and you feel that you are wasting your time. I suppose it is love that keeps you going."
"No," said Sister Monica quietly, "it was love when I first started working here, but now it is not love that keeps me going, but hate."
"Hate ?" asked Larry, surprised. "What do you hate, surely not the children ?"
"No, of course not," said Sister Monica. "I love the children, but it is what you said once before, the inequality, the injustice and the suffering that I hate, and when things go wrong, I hate these things even more. If I worked here just because of love, and things went wrong, I would not be strong enough to keep on working. Hate makes me angry, and then I work harder."
Sister Monica waited for a moment and then she said, "Actually, I sometimes think that I am unlucky, because I am not so free to choose what to do with my life, not like you."
"You know what I want you to say, don't you ?" asked Larry.
"Yes," said Sister Monica. "I know what you want me to say, Larry, but, I am sorry, I cannot marry you. You are a very nice man, and I really do like you. If my life was ordinary, I would want to marry you, Larry, truely. But I cannot, because of these children."
"But if we get married," said Larry, "we will have children of our own, many - I love children too."
"Yes, yes, I know," said Sister Monica, turning away. "But I must help these children here, because they are orphans, and because of their parents. Now I know that this is the work I must do, although I am not sure why."
"So this is your home now ?" asked Larry.
"Yes, I never want to go back to France," said Sister Monica. "You know, Larry, when I first came here, I had the strange idea that I had come back to my real home at last."
"I know," said Larry slowly, "like sometimes you meet someone new and they seem like a very old friend. It is a strange feeling and I have often wondered what it means."
"Yes, me too," said Sister Monica.
"Now I understand why you want to stay here with your friends", said Larry.
"Oh, Larry," said Sister Monica sadly, "I wish the Vietnamese people here really were my friends, because I worry that I will be so lonely one day. If I am ill for a few days and I cannot help them, my life feels terribly empty. Also I still worry that I may make some mistake, and upset them, and then they will not let me help them anymore. I have been here for six years and now I feel that I am like a Vietnamese person. I even feel that someone who is not Vietnamese is a stranger to me also, but the Vietnamese people will never think that I am one of them."
"The Vietnamese people like you, don't they ?" asked Larry.
"Of course they all like me - now," said Sister Monica, "but I worry about the future, when I am too old to help them and they do not need me, I will get very lonely, and I will have the empty feeling all the time. So, I am sure that this is what I must do with my life, but when I think of the future, I wonder if this is also a punishment. I wish I could understand why I feel like this and what it all means."
Larry waited for a moment and then said, "You are the most amazing person I have ever met." Then he said, "So, I suppose this is goodbye ?"
"I am afraid so, Larry," said Sister Monica. "Thank you very much for helping me find what my life is for, and for knowing me and asking me. This has made me feel very important, a nun never expects that."
"Finished, but not forgotten ?" asked Larry.
"Finished, but never forgotten," agreed Sister Monica, as they shook hands.
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